I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It's rum buckets o'clock
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
