i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
