I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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