i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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