So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Boobs speak an international language.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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