White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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