there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
