Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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