i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
