How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
