Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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