i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
