I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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