I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
