I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
