I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
