Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Two words: nipple clamps
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