I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Everyone says I win the strip club
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
