:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Randomize
