you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
