Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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