I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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