i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
