it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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