I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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