Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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