is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
