and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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