the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
