Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
