Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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