Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Someone signed my nipple.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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