last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
