Cold hands, warm shart.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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