super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
