meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
there was a trapeze. enough said
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
