oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
