I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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