She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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