He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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