well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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