We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
