i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
