but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Come back. Shots need mouths.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
