Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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