remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
