Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
