No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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