Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
