Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
