Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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