the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If I die, sorry about rent.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
